Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
