We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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