I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
