What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
