I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
