How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
