tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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