You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
