also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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