you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
