My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
