I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would fuck him just for his dog
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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