turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
