its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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