3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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