Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
