every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
