i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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