Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
