i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
