I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We had sex on a dog bed..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
