Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
