dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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