she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
