you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
