what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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