you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
