He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
