So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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