College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
