i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
