youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
