in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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