Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
