god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
