you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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