but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
