i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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