Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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