the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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