i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
