that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
