Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
