He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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