I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
