You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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