I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
