Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
