wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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