I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
