hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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