I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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