i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
50% drunk capacity currently
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
