Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am midnight drunk by noon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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