im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
