I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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