After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You pole danced in your parka.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
