Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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