dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
