i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
