Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
